It's been a while since I've been on here. The comical juices just don't flow as well as they used to in my teens apparently, but possibly a little more refined?
*Sidenote*
Does the word refined look like refried? Like, refried beans? Or at Chipotle, when they ask you what kind of beans would you like, I'm always like "Refined beans? Like, are they wearing bow-ties? Do they not put their elbows up on the table when they eat? Ha, who am I kidding, beans don't have elbows! They can eat and not have the burden of thinking about that! #jelly"
*Side-sidenote*
Hashtags weren't as big last time I posted, which was almost a year to the date. At least I'm consistent in that aspect
Alright, I thought I would pick a topic (off the top of the dome) and just go on a meaningless rant which, in the end, will waste both your time and mine. I guess you can call that a disclaimer, but if you're bored and like random bleep, this post is for you.
I think we can talk about coffee.
Coffee man, what's up with that stuff?! I just don't understand. I mean, I drink coffee on occasion, but I feel like some people would roll around an IV just constantly being fed some french roast directly into their veins. Is it an addiction? No, but is it an addiction? Yeeeeesh, but is it a drug? Doubt it, but is it a drug? Most definitely. I was talking to this woman the other and she be like "Man, I just need a fix!" and I be like "Girrrrl, you already had 12 cups today!" and this is what be spittin' at me "Seriously, my cable is out and I need somebody to fix it." Didn't see that coming, did ja?
When I drink coffee, I always get the "Oh, want some coffee with that creamer?!" and then I go into a slight depression, drink the creamer, and have a crazy sugar buzz. That's how I like my coffee, k? Not everybody can have terrible taste-buds like the people who drink black coffee. Too far? Well, maybe if you didn't like to drink liquified dirt, I wouldn't have to pick on you. I like my dirt french vanilla flavored.
*Sidenote*
What the crap is the difference between french vanilla and regular vanilla? I mean, I get if you can't differentiate between two vanillas, but I've never gone to a coffee shop and had the option to choose between french vanilla and regular vanilla.
Yeah, idk man, coffee is taking over the world. I'm pretty sure Instagram wouldn't even be around if people didn't post pics of their coffee with meaningless lyrics/quotes/something that has nothing to do with the pic itself. Why do people have this inherent need to post pictures of their coffee? I get you like coffee, but you really think it's worth an Insta like? You think I just pass out "likes" like Russel Wilson throws interceptions in Super Bowl-winning drives? Ohhhhhhhhh (too soon?)
All in all, I'm really just jelly of the people who can drink coffee without a crap load of creamer and sugar. You da real MVP's.
But seriously, liquid dirt.
I think I can end it like that.
Stay sweet, fam.
-Gust
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